March and April 2023: The regrowth of my 'musician' limb, and a wild new chapter
“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”
I’d swim at night in a river anywhere in the world.
I’d be working consistently in a visible role as a musician, writer and artist.
(This should probably be at the top of the list)! I’d ask for help more often.
Beset by yet another setback; a badly twisted knee, it’s been like wading through sinking mud every morning before I make so much as a dent in these plans to become a self-sufficient explorer. Just the thought of stealth camping in my Alpkit Hunka XL bivvy bag makes me excited to be alive, however.
I loved laying in the bright yellow womb of my tent pitched in the sleet among my beloved garden plants; its floor lined with yoga mats and a cup of tea perched on my lightweight low aluminium table. I wondered why my back was so cold as I slept, though, then discovered rivulets of freezing water running beneath my bed that had been on a slight slope!
Using military paracord from Anchor Supplies Genuine Government Surplus and a couple of bushes, I learnt from Marty Morissette three essential camping knots: the bowline, the Siberian hitch and the taut-line hitch.
My most highly recommended reasonably-priced bit of kit: Fospower solar-powered ‘SOS’ radio from America which can also charge your phone.
After going in a shop for the first time since July 2020 (my Covid-19-fuelled contamination OCD has been that bad), I navigated with paper map and compass a thrilling walk into unexpectedly peaceful wheat fields a stone’s throw away from Grange Hill tube station. Here I cooked myself Chinese egg noodles and lazed barefoot on a camo tarp next to a stream. I got home and played an intricately beautiful ‘Major 6ths’ improvisation on piano, amazed at what a change of scene had done for me.
Camping tips I picked up the hard way:
To stay toasty overnight in a tent, put something warm between your legs / pad your waist where many of the body’s main arteries are (women lose a lot of heat from their hips and thighs).
While decluttering your space, be alert to any object that could aid you in the great outdoors: The first thing I came across when I was sorting through my bedroom was a tape of a tarot reading my friend, Naomi Foyle conducted for me 20 years ago in Brighton. Back then the abuse I experienced as a child dictated my choices. Now after a lot of self-examination, I’m truly prioritizing who and what makes me happy. I also found a mirror ideal for camping containing a note from one of my aunts saying, “For when you need reminding of how lovely you are.” I’m far from perfect, but YES - ACTUALLY I AM LOVELY!
To transport your tent indoors in one clean piece, hose all of the mud and bullets from it.
A ‘Paris supermarket’ strong bag (or a Tesco one) is great for transporting items around camp.
To stop yourself slipping off the sleeping mat in your sleeping bag, stick a rolled up chunk of clothing under your knees.
Remember a rubble sack to put other peoples’ rubbish in as unfortunately you will encounter a lot of it.
During a series of comfortingly reassuring dreams, the psychotherapist I saw in Brighton for four years in my twenties (Eva) kept taking my hand in her black knitted gloved one.
I created more videos for my Incest Survivor's Roar YouTube channel, which earned me my first subscriber and some support: A LinkedIn contact, Cyndee, shared the project and commented, “Bravo Gemma Boyd, for being brave and creating this most important posting! These types of woundings to individuals, families and societies will NOT heal if they are kept in silence and treated as a taboo topic. We are one human family; together we heal and evolve!” To this a guy called Harold added, “I love what you are doing here, Gemma Boyd. You are a light in the darkness. Many walking the trail of shame in the darkness will see your light, come to you and your work and will be healed.”
In March I commenced a year-long goal to improvise / compose a piece of music a day. I was delighted to be able to play my violin more or less normally since having been diagnosed with shoulder bursitis (my two littlest left fingers didn’t flatten themselves out deadly on the fingerboard). My music has morphed into short art and poetry films / animations that you can check out on my YouTube channel, Gemma Boyd: Musician, Writer & Artist. Every day I sing the melody of my soul and am enjoying mixing and editing tracks on GarageBand.
The sun shone in my heart on rediscovering the Scottish singer, Marti Pellow. Here he is singing ‘Don’t Be Scared’.
I also fell in love with the songs, ‘Bright Horses’ by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds, and ‘Come On, Aphrodite’ by Natalie Merchant, featuring Abena Koomson-Davis.
“Don’t let anyone say you can’t do it.”